Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Bells and Whistles (and Beeps)

I am not opposed to technological advances.  I drove my hybrid Prius for 10 years.  It barely had a horn and much less bells and whistles.  As I only drive to my studio and to the grocery store, it has less than 67,000 miles on it.  But  I am aging, and felt I needed a car that rode less like a tin can.
   Reliability is key.  The Prius was, except for the time it refused to turn off.  That was fun.
   We spent the last three weeks looking at new cars.  It is a brave new world, with a kaleidoscope of options.  Cars that parallel parked by themselves, beep you into submission should stray over the lane marker, shrilly beep if you ignore their instructions.  And they all get lousy mileage.
   I ended up with a car that has the wingspan of a pterodactyl.  Getting it into the garage with the mirrors still intact requires a nervy tenacity.  The Nav system intuits the bushes by the garage door and sets off alarms and flashing lights which to me should be reserved for lurking villains.
   There is also a bodiless voice to heed my commands.  Unfortunately,  she does not wish to understand me.  I speak a command, and she says, "Pardon?"  I try again.  "Pardon?"  "Pardon?"  Driving is tough enough without thinking about Nixon.